Yet another blog it is! I’ll write about something that none of you may have expected.

Everyone in their life goes through it, and they sacrifice everything for it. They put a lot of efforts but does it actually help? Well, it depends. Some can make it and the rest move on. Move on with an intention to be better next time.

I recently read an article that actually opened my mind. I am going through pretty bad time of my life I’ll say. I am no good writer who can encourage or motivate you, but I’ve something that can actually help you go through it.

So I’ll mark some lines from the article named “Love Is Not Enough” which is written by Mark Manson.

I don’t know how he came up with this, but everyone should read it even if they haven’t experienced the so-called love thing.

First he started with two characters. One idealized love and another didn’t. Idealizing love means taking love as a solution to all of his problems. Thus, we experience that dark side of “love”.

And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price.

From the article I found something called “fundamental values” of love I guess.

But some hints were given such as respect, humility and commitment. We had a commitment which failed nicely. But we didn’t have those two things respect and humility. And yeah, we fought a lot. We blamed each other. Ruined day and nights. So messed up shit it was.

Toxic relationships are kind of like a boat on emotions. Keep rowing, and suddenly it gets overwhelmed with emotions and both sink in it.

After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff? all the hard stuff?

Idealizing love causes unrealistic expectations about love. Let us dive in to three harsh truths about love.

Love Does Not Equal Compatibility

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn't necessarily mean they?re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process. Compatibility is a logical process. And the two don't bleed into one another very well.

That’s true. Did anyone say that if you love someone that means they are the perfect one for you? The article also mentions that,

It's possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.

It's possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

We feel the spark, and we jump and we fall. That’s how things work in a toxic relation. Then we consider that what went wrong? But what actually went wrong is,

It went wrong before it even began.

It’s not wrong to love someone, but we fail to understand the fundamental values of love that is mentioned in the article. We don’t value each other’s ambitions, thoughts and worldviews. We consider them to be like us. Thus forcing them to be one of us cause clashes.

Love Does Not Solve Your Relationship Problems

I recently found a comment on Reddit that said,

“If you’re ever walking in the woods, and you see the same tree twice, you’re lost son” was the best relationship advice my grandpa told me

I really liked it. That actually clarifies that if a relationship fails once it will hardly succeed. Obviously there are exceptions but let’s talk about majority.

So talking in emotions make problems look like they are solvable but in reality it isn’t. Keep doing the same thing such as patching it again then getting hurt is just an absolute truth in those relationships that failed once.

But who actually think logically on those times? Nobody.

What we should learn is,

While love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn't actually solve any of your relationship problems.

Love Is Not Always Worth Sacrificing Yourself For

Obsession is a pretty bad thing. Obsession leads you to addiction. Addiction is way worse. When we love someone in a crazy sense it will eventually fail. Cause there will be questions in your mind that why I am not getting what I give, I don’t get the same love, I treat them well but do they? And many other questions will rise like these.

If respecting each other if one still gets this questions then yes maybe they are not the right person for you. I believe why wasting time like this? You give love, in return you get nothing. Then why still be there? Be there because of addiction or the hell called obsession. If you one wants to unfuck a relation then fuck the obsession.

In loving relationships, it's normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.

What love it is if you don’t sacrifice for it.

But when it comes to sacrificing one's self-respect, one's dignity, one's physical body, one's ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic.

A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it.

But we still tolerate those damages that we both make just for the sake of love and affection, or I’ll say obsession. We fail to differentiate love and obsession. Whatever I shall make another post about obsession.

So if we keep holding it then we will allow ruining our self-respect and image. This way our energy will get sucked which we don’t want.

Now the part that actually I needed which is The Friendship Test.

Some parts from the article says,

One of the oldest pieces of relationship advice in the book is,

You and your partner should be best friends.?

Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I should spend time with my partner like I do with my best friend, I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend, I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend.

But people should also look at it in the negative:

Would you tolerate your partner's negative behaviors in your best friend?

If I answer then obviously not. With friends, I am not afraid of saying any bullshit. They ought to accept my dark humour, stupidity, fun and jokes whatsoever. I’ll be open to them. A friend is made with trust so love is. But if you can’t do the same with your partner then what freedom you get? At the end of the day you have to be with your friends just to share something that makes both of you laugh. Well, obviously we should be respectful then treat our loved ones a friend.

Our partner should be our best friend but being in the boundary I believe. Being open and less judgemental is so important.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships?

Easy answer is that we are in love that’s why.

Final thing to remember,

The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love.

Yeah, love is a nice thing to experience. Loving someone isn’t bad. We can fall in love on those who might be bad for use even good for us. But we should not be sacrificing these few things such as self-respect, dignity, ability to trust because they are hard to get back.

You should let go. Not think that we won’t get someone like them in our life again. Be happy. Get indulged in sadness. Let us feel the pain. It is a lesson. Oh! I should mention something!

Why don’t you read this masterpiece? A book called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” You can buy if you want. But a direct PDF link is attached here. I’ll highly suggest reading this book. It covers a lot of lessons that one must be aware of.

For me taking a nap helps a lot. Getting busy is the solution. Replacing never should be a solution cause now you seek attention, now you seek the cure of your loneliness not love. Write like me. Keep notes, it helps. We should not love those who don’t love us.

Time is the only cure.

Finally I should stop writing. If you have read all of these from the beginning I thank you very much. I write blog posts just to spend my time, and it feels better to express my thoughts. Who cares whether someone has read it or not. Self-satisfaction i’ll say. At least I can fill that “Posts” page with something. Post which is huge like this looks cool though.